Wednesday, August 27, 2008

I Think I Love My Body!

I have been dieting and exercising for the past few months. My goal is to lose about 60lbs. The plan is to lose the first 50 by regimented dieting and then keep exercising and toning and let my body take care of the last 10 or so lbs. I figured once I got into good eating and exercising habits I would just listen to my body and all would be fine. Well I have hit a snag. I lost the first 20 and took the “rest” period to let my body get used to the loss. I was Ok and have even dropped a few more pounds since. But I cannot get back on my regimen no matter what. There seems to always be some reason to skip a workout and I need no good reasons to eat. Admittedly, I do not eat as much as would have in the past at any given meal. I have adopted some very good eating habits that are sticking through this whole thing. Being the girl who was never ever anywhere near athletic, my kickboxing and spin classes give me the same good feeling as a good meal with an even better glass of wine. So these are all things to be proud of. I had the most profound revelation of them all the other day. I LOVE MY BODY! Wow. I have never in my life said or thought that.

As a young kid when I looked at my mom I did not see me. I have always thought my mom was the most beautiful woman ever. I am very light skinned and my mother was dark. I probably would not have noticed but there were plenty of people to point it out to me. When I was in high school I was Betty Boop to many guys as I had a 22 in waist 36 in hips and 34D breasts. I would kill, well pay for that body right now. But in high school I hated that body too. My stomach was flat as a pancake but I wondered where in the hell did these breasts come from and why won’t they stop growing (they finally ended at DDDs). I walked around most days with my arms crossed over my chest. And at 5’2” pants were just a nightmare they were either too long or too short never mind if they fit in the hips there was enough room in the waist for a 5lb bag of sugar. I grew up in the time of colored Lee jeans and without a belt I could do nothing with them. A mini skirt never quite got to mini on me. The hair was another thing entirely. Being shaped like that as a shy awkward teenager was hell. I was a minister’s child so what we wore was scrutinized. My dad once told me that I needed to keep in mind that with my body an outfit only had so far to go from cute to slutty. I am thankful for that advice as it kept many an interview from going bad. Even today a V-neck shirt can be mom wear and one more button or inch and it can go south very fast.

Now when I got to college I got a little mileage out of the body as I was not as shy anymore. I won more than my share of wet t-shirt contests. I had to buy drinks and oh yeah books :) Not to mention for a girl like me it was quite liberating. I am almost certain that I am in some guy’s shoebox of pictures from freaknick, aggiefest, greekfest or whatever fest there was standing in the middle of some street or on a beach posing in a bikini or whatever. I have girlfriends and even my sister told me they would love to have my body. My one girlfriend said God did not give her my ass as he knew she would be a stripper. I once had a friend tell me that she would only own V-neck shirts and would always be bending over if she had my breasts.

Now I am nearing 40. My little sister (33) would be quick to point out that I am much closer to 40 than 39. She will know my age even in the late stages of Alzheimer’s. My body is different now, or more to the point I am different now. After losing patches of my hair because of the combination of chemicals and psoriasis I got locks early this year. Can I just say I LOVE them? I’ll save that for another time. So that takes care of the hair. I realized that besides it being a little dry I have great skin. I heal quickly with minimal scaring and have a very even skin tone. And now I see my mom in my face. I see her smile with my dad’s eyes. Then there is that little weight thing. See at 120 my hips and breast just looked huge to me. But when you get close to 200 I am sooo glad to have hips and breasts as they take attention away from the mommy tummy and oh those thighs. Being an hourglass at 200 is a very good thing. So as I caught glimpse of myself in the store window the other day I saw a body I love. I mean those hips and that seemingly small waist topped of with the 38DDDs make me a perfect figure 8. Now I look at my cleavage and I am thankful not to see one blemish or age spot. Still when it fits in the hips it doesn’t fit in the waist but, God I love myself in a pair of jeans these days. I will be the first to tell you that I look much better with clothes than without. 39 year-old DDDs end up way south of where they should be. In my sister’s words you need a search party to find those nipples :) Think Eddie Murphy as grandma Clump or Tyler Perry as Medea. We won't even discuss the dimples. I am very happy to report that when I look in the mirror now I do not see too short or too big, I see proportionate. A full length mirror is no longer my enemy. As my girlfriend Stacie says I have embraced my womanly body and now love those curves. I still want Michelle Obama’s arms, my niece Tiffany’s belly and I would really like for my thighs to get a divorce but I am happy to have this body as it is today. I rock in jeans and a spandex T-shirt with heels and my goodness I love a wrap dress. I am still going to lose those lbs but I am enjoying the the body and journey way more than I thought I would.

Eating Crow and Loving It!

For my midnight snack last night I had my dark chocolates and a big helping of crow, which I washed down with my chamomile tea, and loved it! As I watched Hillary speak last night I was so fired up. I smiled and cheered with her. I loved the intro video but she just delivered. I mean she put on the big girl panties or pantsuit and went out there and did me proud. I was not even going to watch her speech but, I got home just as her video came on. Anyone who has talked to me or read my writings of the last week know that I was never a Hillary supporter, but last night she was my girl! I have said that she would like to be in the center of that carnival ride that pins everyone to the wall because, after all, everything and everyone must revolve around her. In my post WHAT? I wrote: If we want unity then she has got to put away her ego and get this done. If Bill Clinton is supposedly so broken up over his legacy under Bush then stop whining and get Barack elected. I get that she needed some time to lick her wounds but Mitt Romney and Mike Huckabee have been making the news rounds for McCain where is she? Last night she put her ego on the shelf and said expressly that this was not about her but the Marine without healthcare and the 47 million like him. She said democrats know how to do the things that we need to do. As much as I am not a Hillary fan I am definitely not a Bill fan but watching his response to her last night made me cheer for him too.

I think if she behaved this way in the primaries I would have considered voting for her. That is all water under the bridge. I have to admit that I am even thinking of joining the sisterhood of the traveling pantsuits. I agree with her wholeheartedly when she says we have to keep going but in order to keep going we have to get going. That has been my biggest problem with all those in Hillaryland who keep talking as if this is about her and the respect she should be afforded. I voted for Senator Obama, but if he was not the nominee Hillary would have my full support. This was not about gender or race. I would be lying if I said that Barack's race isn't part of his appeal for me. When I see him, fair or not, I see bigger possibilities for my boys and my nephews. If it were Hillary I would be seeing those same possibilities for my daughter and my nieces, actually I still see them. I have help to elect plenty of white men over the years and that hasn't always worked out for me. I love Senator Obama but I love America more. I am a democrat because it is a fact that economically democrats outperform republicans. When it was time to overhaul our welfare system democrats did it in a way to empower not judge. It is now time for healthcare and energy reforms and I just do not trust the republicans to spearhead any of the change that we need. They are the party that inherited a surplus and is expected to have a half trillion dollar deficit by the end of the year. This is about getting our country back to where it should be. If we want that then democrats are the people to do it. In Hillary’s own words “no way, no how, no McCain”.

I can’t wait to see Bill tonight, go figure. By the way, I had another helping of crow with my oatmeal and coffee this morning! LOVE YOU HILL!!!! .

Monday, August 25, 2008


I am wondering if I am in an alternate universe. Ever Since Barack announced that he selected Senator Biden as his running mate the world is once again revolving around Hillary. If I hear one more person talk about the respect that should be afforded to Hillary Clinton I am going to scream. SHE LOST!!!! Which part of this don’t we get she is not the winner. It is Barack’s right to pick up his toys and leave the playground. She is the loser and a sore one at that. She seems to be channeling Dennis Rodman. David Gergen, whom I really beginning to dislike was on CNN and MSNBC talking about how Barack did not even consult Hillary’s counsel on a running mate (gasp). Am I missing something here? Since when do we bend over backwards for the loser? My family is not for the faint at heart I know, but the bragging rights in our legendary spades and monopoly games go to the wining person or team the other person stand there smiles, and hope they can get another chance next time we get together. Can anyone tell me who won the silver when Michael Phelps won the gold? We don’t care. Don’t get me wrong I think Hillary accomplished a monumental feat. But my goodness she lost.

I was soo proud of her but I was also a little apprehensive. Women all over this country were talking about all the girl power this woman evoked but was I the only one to notice that she got there just because she was someone’s wife? Do we tell our daughters to work hard and push for what you want but it is really who you marry? Yet this woman was where we placed all our girl love. No doubt she may have gotten there because she was someone’s wife but she busted in and proved she belonged. The problem is she lost her grace and I am suspecting she never had any class as it is something you have or don’t. I have begun to lose respect. When this PUMA mess started I did not see her, Gergen or Carville say enough already! Stop this mess. I see John McCain’s ads talking about her and using her quotes. Where are her ads saying this is it, it is Barack and if we want this then we have to vote for him. She should be drawing clear lines between her positions and McCain’s.

My Grandma used to tell me that we don’t put family business out there but she put the democratic family business out there for the entire world to see. Now we are like the family who has to decide which aunt’s house to go to for Thanksgiving so we just skip the whole mess and stay home or go to the in-laws. If we want unity then she has got to put away her ego and get this done. If Bill Clinton is supposedly so broken up over his legacy under Bush then stop whining and get Barack elected. I get that she needed some time to lick her wounds but Mitt Romney and Mike Huckabee have been making the news rounds for McCain where is she? Making the rounds begging for money to retire a debt she got herself into and then saying oh, by the way vote for Barack. If all these people are so fired up over getting her in the white house, then retire her debt. The plane tickets and gas alone for all these demonstrations in Denver should help her. I have my $20 but it is waiting for her to show some genuine effort on her part. David Gergen, do me a favor and shut up! Hillary, do me a favor and get over yourself and out of our way so we can get a democrat in the White house and start to fix this mess we are in. The things facing this country are too important for one person to hold up. LISTEN UP Hillary is not the nominee. Barack is and it is his right to decide who is on his team, it is his right to seek the counsel of whomever he wishes. This is about him not Hillary. If we want respect for the next woman then she and her supporters have got to act with some dignity and (gasp) class.