Many Opinions

Can I Say Racist Now?

2011-08-03T12:34:00.001-04:00

Since Barak Obama came on the national scene We have been fumbling over the conversation of racism in America. Whites have told Blacks that we are too sensitive and we should let it go. Blacks have struggled with where we are now and how far we have to go. We see it, we live it, we know it…..but we really do have white friends, really good ones too. Then, there are the white family members, we love them as sure as our heart beats. But there is something going on that used to be just beneath the surface, now it is starting to bubble up in the most unlikely places. It has caught a lot of us completely off guard. That is how we have gotten to this place we are today. Not quite sure how to respond, how we should react. Well at least in public. Conservatives have told us that we play the race card, that we only dislike Clarence Thomas and Herman Cain because they refuse to be victims. Sometimes you hear something enough and you start to see a little truth in it. But today I call BS! B.S.!!! When a sitting Congressmen (White) calls our President (Black) a tar baby. I say, you sir are a racist A** that does not deserve the use of the word sir. You deserve to be kicked unceremonisly out of office and run back into the hole from which you crawled. Not sure what bothers me more at this point that he said it ir that there seems to be not outrage that he said it. CNN had it in a blog, it was hard to uncover it anywhere. He said it on a radio program and not even the host said well maybe that is a little too far. B.S.!

As a Black woman it sometimes makes me laugh (others my heart is just heavy) to see the knots people tie themselves into trying to not to call someone a racist because, yes, it is a very offensive term. But in truth it applied to Joe Wilson, but instead he was rewarded with 2 million in campaign contributions. It applied to the Los Alamitos, California mayor Dean Grose with the watermelons on the white house lawn email, but he was just being funny and meant no harm, after all he apologized. Oh and lets not forget the SCGOP, (South Carolina again!), activist and former state Senate candidate Rusty DePass who said an escaped gorilla was one of First Lady Michelle Obama’s ancestors. He too apologized, it was a joke people!! No harm no foul. Right now I am pretty darn tired of hearing I’m sorry. After a while you start to feel like the battered wife who gets her butt kicked every Friday and an apology every Monday. It loses a little something after a while. I ask my White counterparts when do we say it? Do we wait for them to actually say the N word? When do you step up and say okay, you are an A** and a racist one at that. There has to be the line that a person cannot cross. Maybe I draw mine a little further up than you do but where is yours? Because try as I might I cannot find ANY other use of the words tar baby but to call a Black person less than, not good enough, beneath, inferior and any other term you can find. My family will tell you I am pretty sensitive. Growing up I was the crybaby of my family. But, today even they would agree, this is B.S!! And I’m calling every decent American on it!

When Death Comes

2010-03-11T14:30:00.000-05:00

Death comes without warning but always seem to reek havoc no matter the circumstance. My Uncle died on Sunday morning of a heart attack. When my Sister called I knew something was wrong because with both of us being Sunday School teachers, Sunday morning is not a time we call each other. When she told me I actually felt relief. Not because he was sick, but because it was not one of my other Uncles or Aunts. For that my heart feels a sadness that I cannot explain. I should love this man, he is my father’s brother yet I feel nothing at his death. I grew up around him yet I have no good memories to morn. That makes me feel sad. I am one of those people who was a true village reared kid. My family is super close sometimes a little too. So my uncles and aunts are like second parents to me. I worry over them, always answer their calls, take their advice with a smile and treat them with the utmost respect. But this person I do not know him, I never knew him. He was distant, mean and just plain not nice. I have never felt anything for him. Now that he is dead that makes me think of Patti Labelle’s advice that we learn something from every situation. From this I have learned a few things:

Being a good person is important. It is important to be good to your family and to others. Being mad at the world only shuts you off from it.

Your life truly speaks for you. There is a song that used to be THE funeral song the lyrics are something like “may the life I’ve lived speak for me, May the works I’ve done speak for me…” It will, just be sure you like what it says.

In life every decision you make affects someone besides you. My uncle did not have insurance not because he could not afford it but because he was selfish and cheap. Well, that put the burden of burying him on his sisters who are already stretched to the limit.

It is important to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. I did not like my uncle but he was my aunts’ and uncles’ brother. Without parents, the mere thought of losing a sibling can bring on a full fledged panic attack. For that reason I will go this funeral help pay for this funeral and even buy flowers.

In life I would never ever want to bring pain to any of my family or friends. But upon my death I hope that my family and friends will shed a tear at the thought of my not being with them anymore. I hope that very few people will come to my funeral out of duty but all will be there out of love or at the very least respect.

My grandmother was truly a wise woman. For a woman who had no formal education she offered the best life advice. She used to say that we don’t get to choose family because if we did some people would have nobody. Ain’t that the truth!!

Who Is The Adult In This Situation?

2009-08-06T15:43:00.001-04:00

My kids and I have many one liners that help them to understand what I expect of them. When they tell me about something some one else is doing I ask who are you responsible for? Or when they misbehave in church I say where are you? Those questions usually get instant results. The other is who is the adult in this situation? I ask this when they are trying to be too adult. I am in charge. My little one used to say mommy is the adult in this station. When I see things like the Professor Gates story I ask myself that question. Who indeed is the adult in this situation, or more to the point where was the adult in this situation. I have not shared my thoughts on the whole Gates affair because I figured there was enough people who did. But then I am ridding to work yesterday and I hear a story about an 18 year-old from Union, SC who is suing the police department over a strip search during a traffic stop. If you read the story it seems completely outrageous. Why would broken headlight or even drunk driving cause a strip search? I cannot see the reasoning in this but the part of this story that gets me is this:

Turner said she and her friend got out and the officer searched the car, even using a dog. Then, he called for backup from a Union County deputy.

Turner said the officers searched her car and then called for a female detention center officer to strip search her and her friend in the parking lot.

"First, she me made me put my hands up on the roof," Turner said. "Then she made me pull my shirt up and unfasten my bra. Then she made me, after that, she fastened my bra and pulled my shirt down. Then she made me pull my pants and my panties down, squat and cough."

OK WTF?!?! Who are these people who show up for this kind of craziness and then go along with it. If I were the female officer I hope I would have had the guts to tell them to call me when they arrest her and we can search her then. Or better yet tell him to go get his meds because this is some crazy shit. Why is there more than one officer and not ONE of them have the sense God gave them to quote Whitney and say HELL TO THE NAW! I am not doing that and neither are you. You have search the car and used dogs! You have found nothing we are going home now. Write them a ticket, let’s go! ALL every last one of them ALL of the officers involved in this stop need to reprimanded. That is the only way to curb this kind of craziness from happening. The officer is this case was reprimanded but only because the stop took too long. Apparently it took over an hour to let these kids go.

I know this kid is not Black but this is the same behavior that happened at Professor Gates’ house. All of those officers on that porch and not ONE of them had the courage to say take those cuffs off and let that man go back in his house. NOT ONE. After the whole crazy affair go down they all go on TV to say they support the guy. He goes on TV and acts like a 2nd grader saying I am NOT apologizing ain't gonna happen. Are you serious? Even if the arrest was legitimate he at least have to admit that the man was tired and maybe him the professional people server could have just let the guy go to bed. Who is going to really think that a guy robbing a house answers the door. This guy is 50s maybe 5'10 with a cane. OK you don't need to apologize but I bet the next person you stop is going to be very suspicious of your ass. Come to my door and I will be calling the cops to send someone else. If I were Chief ALL, EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM would be reprimanded. It is crazy to think that all of the people that have to be involved in a traffic stop or arrest and none of them step in and just say NO! Who are the adults here? Are we not supposed to be dealing with professionals? This is the thing that bothers me more than the rouge cop. It is the good cop that stands by at one of the bogus stops and do nothing. It is not just Crowley that owes Gates an apology it is every officer on that porch.

I have my own story many actually just as most of the people I know. My brother came to see me when I lived in Baltimore. He drove up at night after work got in about 1am sat at a gas station and called me to come get him because he feared getting lost in the dark at that time of night. He even joked about getting caught in the wrong place and me having to spend the weekend trying to find him. I get to the station and just make a U-turn so he can follow. As soon as he turns on his lights and get behind me the blue lights go on. I think they are after me for the U-turn so I pull over. They are stopping him. The cop gives us some story about a woman reporting her boyfriend violating a restraining order and breaking in to her home. I ask the back up officer, who is pointing hi gun at me because I am trying to explain that I cannot leave because my brother has no idea where he is and I need to get him to my home, would the woman not have said first and foremost that the guy has SC plates? After he figures he is not going to get me to leave he finally looks at me and says I am just backup. Well just backup is pointing a gun at a pregnant woman and her 2 sleeping kids. Needles to say I called any and everyone I knew after that incident. I did get an apology but I wonder what my son would think of the police had he been awake for that? How then am I supposed to trust the police if he arrests my kid? I will not. My past experience has told me not to. Mr. Policeman the next time you wonder why the public thinks of you as public enemy no 1 look in the mirror.

Not to say that I have not had good interaction with officers. I have. I got stopped in VA on my way home the night my Dad passed and that officer was going to give me a ticket but instead sat with me on the side of the road until I stopped crying and called me every hour until I made it home safely. I also had an officer let my friend come to my house to drop off her car and kids so he would not have to arrest her for a minor incident in front of her kids. He even called me when he processed her so I could be ready to get her when she could go home. When I thanked him, he told me we all make mistakes and he did not want to tarnish a single mom in her kids’ eyes. I know both these officers violated all kinds of rules to do these acts of kindness but I am glad that they were the adult professionals we would like to think exist in our police departments.

Adults Behaving Badly

2009-07-28T13:51:00.001-04:00

Is it Ok to excuse an adult for behavior you would punish your kids for? This is a question I am pondering because I encountered a very very rude adult at church. While I was complaining about the behavior, two of her friends came to her defense. I was told that she is one of the nicest, kind hearted people I would ever come in contact with. They said she would do anything she can for you. She just has a “personality” and you just have to get used to her. My issue is she is old enough to know better. And, I remember a nice kind old lady in my church growing up just like her, Sister W. That woman was one of the reasons I had to be dragged into any kind of leadership role in successive churches. I always felt I would encounter a Sister W. I knew a Sister W was not going to bring out the best in me. I also felt that Sister W stole a lot of my worship from me. As an adult I get that I gave up my worship and Sister W was indeed a very nice person who would be mortified to know that I disliked her enough to hold back in church. But still, maybe things would have been different if her friends had said to her that she was rude and needed to check her behavior instead of telling me and others that she meant no harm or that’s just the way she is.

I read a piece by Blogher’s Mata H. on your ideal place of worship and this incident instantly came to mind. This makes me wonder if this is really my ideal place of worship. I want a place where I and my children can grow spiritually, be nurtured, loved and feel safe. I am not into having to walk on eggshells to account for someone’s personality. That did not work out well for me in my marriage, hence the EX husband. I am almost never rude I go out of my way to make people feel special and welcome. So why then do I get treated with such disrespect and then told ‘it just the way she is’.

Back to my original point why is it that we expect more from kids than adults? If either of these defenders of this lady had been told that their kids behaved this way they would have apologized to me and made their kids apologize. A friend of mine told me that she once took her son to a church service when he was 4 or 5 and he behaved very badly. She said she got him in the foyer of the church and said “you know better than to act this way. We do not behave like this in church.” He responded to her by saying “mommy this not a real church, because that man up there was drunk at pa pa’s house yesterday”. She said she was stunned and so were the people in the foyer. She said so we just left. Our children are watching us. Be it the child like me who just sat in church for years because I felt like all churches had a Sister W or this little boy who felt he was not in a real church because he saw the minister drunk the day before. Why defend the adult who should know better than to behave this way and esp in church. When is it appropriate to say to a friend that was rude you owe her/him an apology? If you are truly a friend why not have that conversation? How do you handle an adult’s bad behavior? Remember your kids or someone else’s may be watching.

Lonely

2009-07-18T15:40:00.001-04:00

I am one of those people who can be alone in a roomful of people. I do not know that I was ever really the social type. This will be news to people who know me and think I am a social butterfly. I am just a southern girl who learned to be friendly very early in life. For as long as I can remember I loved having people around but I always needed a moment to myself in the midst of it. As a kid I would go to my room and just sit for a few minutes or find myself a quiet place or sit in a corner. Now I just retreat into myself. In a room full of people I can shut down totally and completely and give myself a time out. I have always, it seems been alone. And fine with it. But up until now I have never been lonely.

Two years ago I packed up my kids and gave up over a decade of living in Baltimore. A city I loved dearly. The thing was it did not love me back. I had some of my greatest moments in life living in that city. All of my children were born while I was a resident there, I got married and divorced while living there. I found some of my best sister and brother friends while living there. But, truth is, Baltimore did not have room for a single mom who collected child support on a spotty basis to live a full and prosperous life. At least not what I would call full a prosperous. I wanted a life without waking up sitting on my deck and watching drug deals go down, having to put my kids in private school because the public one were beyond shitty and then there are the politicians. I would be remiss if I did not mention the near perfect record of over 300 murders per year. Somewhere in the 200s is a good year. Yet I paid $950 bucks a month to watch drug deals go down and tell crackheads to stay away from my porch while hoping the rats stayed in the alley. Yeah, full and prosperous.

Back to being lonely. Even though Baltimore did not offer me an abundance of love I had friends. Dear, wonderful, in tune with me, lovely, accepting, diverse friends. I went on ski trips, and had wine parties did girls night ins and could disappear for days into myself with no problems I also had friends from church and mom friends so all of my bases were covered. Although I have a great delegation of friends here, it is not the same. I do not have a guy that I can call up and say take me out. Or a girlfriend I can go to a bar with or tell sex stories or fantasies to. So I am lonely. For the first time in my life I am missing not having a man. I have been single off and one for 10 years but I was never lonely. This is such a new and unnerving feeling. Our quality of life is soo much better. No more drug deals, the schools are great, we have a great space that does not kill my budget, the politicians…… well everything cannot be great! But being lonely does something to you. I am starting to wonder if the rats and the schools were really that bad. I know they were. I am starting to feel like the abused lover who only remembers the good times with the ex. I know that, like a man, Baltimore is my ex for very very good reasons. But still. I miss it.

Lonely permeates you to the core. It keeps you up at night while making you want to sleep all day. Lonely can make you defensive and scared. I am at once wanting a relationship and leery of starting a new one least I choose badly out of desperation. Lonely is not a good place to be. I am fighting to get out of this place because it eats at your soul.

A Salad a Day

2009-07-15T10:32:00.001-04:00

OK last year this time I was dieting. I was eating very well and exercising but was losing weight slowly. I told myself that it was best all the while I really really wanted to get this weight off! Then in August I went on vacation. Although I continued to eat well and exercised I never really got back to the diet. Then, in October my knee started to hurt and the exercise started to lapse then Christmas, my birthday, valentines day, any day everyday happened and I never ever got back into my routine. I told myself every week that next week would be it but here I am a whole year later only 5 pounds lighter than I was this time last year. So this time I am starting TODAY on a Wednesday not next Monday. My first feat is a salad each and everyday. Not the lettuce, tomato and cucumber salad restaurants call a “garden” salad. I mean a health boosting, great tasting, not your everyday salad kind of salad. So here is today’s installment:

Spring mix
Boiled egg
Blueberries
Mandarin oranges
Red pepper slices
Green pepper slices
Red onion
Cucumbers
Cherry tomatoes
Blue cheese
Half roasted bone in chicken breast warmed
No dressing.

I would love to hear your thoughts for a great salad. Or how you decided today is the day!

The Party of the Century (at least at 6!)

2009-07-13T12:10:00.005-04:00

My daughter is now offically a 6-year-old. My how time flies. My baby was born a month almost to the day of my mom's passing. I thought I would be sad on each of her birthdays. But instead I am amazed at her growth and really at her period. I tell people all the time that she has indeed done this whole life thing before. Old soul only scratches the surface on this little chick. My heart just swells looking at her, not becuse she reminds me of how long it has been since my mom has been gone but becuse she is an amazing kid. I cannot wait for what the future will bring us.
Back to the party. She had a princess pampering party. We go this idea from Realhousewivesofatlanta (yes I watched a few episodes) OK now that I have admitted my bad taste in TV. Back to the party. We had a princess pampering party (sleepover). My friend came and did nails my neice and another young friend did toes. We had a catwalk and some very loud singing (who knew a wheelchair ramp could be so glam!) Every great spa offers water and we had our own signature water with birthday girl's name and date of the party. We also had miniatures wraped to spell her name thanks to Deisgn. Rinse. Repeat. We got a lot of great ideas and templates from Vintage glam blog in her freebies section. These were mainly ideas for weddings but we took them down a notch and applied some cute touches for the party. In all we had a great time. It turned into a really really cute affair with all of her friends and a few of mine in aatendace for less than the mice in the pizza store 2 hour party. My baby is 6!

Pictures.... 1001 words

2009-07-10T11:12:00.001-04:00

I have come to realize just how special my childhood was. Not just that I spent my childhood between SC in the winter and NY in the summer. I was a village reared kid. I grew up where we never went to a sitter we went to auntie’s or grandma’s house. I was the first and only grandchild and niece in my family for many years. Spoiled was not the word, my grandma used to call it ruient (ruined, I think). I had it good and I highly recommend it if you have the chance. But I was surrounded by good decent men. Not just men but Black men. From my father to my uncles to my older cousins they were loving responsible men. I never had to look far for a man that I knew loved me for no other reason than that I existed.

I keep coming across all of these beautiful photos of President Obama with his girls and of he and Michelle. That look he has when he talks about her or is seen in the pictures where he is looking at her or the girls. I realized that these are not media image we see often of our men. He looks at Michelle the same way my dad used to look at my mom. I remember those looks of pride during some of her sermons or his smiling when she was dressed up. My dad used to joke about how the men would be lining up the minute he closed his eyes becouse his girl was beautiful! But sadly not many of our kids get the chance to live in the world I did nor see great images of men that look like them or their daddy. I used to believe that the absent Black man was a myth. I have seen and experienced first hand that he is not. It is a sad thing.

I know that Blacks in general have placed a lot of our hopes and dreams on President Obama’s shoulders. In some ways this is very unfair to him but this is the reality of any public figure. The good news is he knows and seems to accept this. In an interview he had this to say: “I grew up without a father in the home, and I know how hard it is for a lot of young men and boys who maybe don’t have a father,” Obama said. “To the extent that I can serve as a role model for them, where parents can say here’s somebody who stayed in school and dreamed big dreams and has accomplished something, I’m happy to be used in that way.”

For me though I think one of the most important contributions the Obamas have made could just be in the pictures. The pictures of him with is family are to me the perfect counterbalance to the negative images we see of Black men and families everyday. I know that there are critics out there who are in Obama overload but these images are long coming. In looking on the web I see these images of only Will and Jada Smith. There are many Black celebrities with healthy marriages and happy well adjusted children but those images are not often captured for our children to model. Samuel L Jackson has been married to his wife for over 20 years but a few years ago when he spent time with is daughter on vacation she was reported to be a mystery woman. Because the images of him as loving father are not there. Michael Jordan is another that comes to mind, he has 2 sons and was married for many years, there are thousands of images of him but I could only find one of him with his kids and wife. Denzel Washington is a father and a man who has a long lasting marriage. There have been reports of him in the stands for his son’s college games but none of him watching little league games or just hanging with his kids. Maybe these men have opted for their family’s privacy. But maybe nobody thought these images were important.

For people of all races these are important images. Not only do Black children need to see positive images of other Blacks so do children and adults of other races. Imagine seeing the Vogue Cover of Lebron James, any cover of Fifty cents, watching cops and then going to kindergarten to find a Mr. teacher. Maybe just a little scary? Maybe if there weren't so many negative images of us the incident in Philly would not have had to happen and 65 kids would not have that hurtful experience forever sealed in their memories. Just. Maybe.

How To Be a Hero For Less Than $20

2009-05-19T14:14:00.006-04:00

You know there are many many charts out there that tell us that raising kids is expensive business. As a single mom I can tell you that is is very hard work as well. But, there are those days when the rewards are soo great that the costs and time seems frivolous compared to the reward. Friday night was one of those nights. You see for less than 20 bucks I was the hero of the day. We had outdoor movie night. So as with all good parenting stuff I feel the need to share with you how you too can be a hero.

1. Three movies from the Redbox.
We got Marley and ME, Open Season 2 and Tinkerbell.

2. Hot dogs, popcorn, soda, 2 bags of chips, dip and cheetos
This is not the most nutritious meal but it is the movies!

3. Put the TV on the porch, line up the furniture like in the movies

We grilled the dogs on the George forman. Then in order to set up we put the TV on the porch along with the pop up table. Set up a bar with the soda, condiments and chips. We put the dip in individual cups (prevents double dipping) gave evryone a cafeteria tray (love yard sales) and off to the movies we went!! It is best to start your show at dusk.

I had a very bad week last week. But listening to the laughter and excitement of my kids and their friends melted all of that away. The best part was snuggling up with my girl and talking to her as watched Tinkerbell together as no one else wanted to watch it. It was just us girls laughing and enjoying Tink. I got all this joy for about $18. It was the best money I spent in a long long time.

Ok Cancer STAY THE F**K OUT OF MY LIFE

2009-05-15T13:47:00.003-04:00

You and I have had a long long history. When I was just 15 I watched you take my great uncle. I went to his house everyday to find him in horrible pain, while my aunt sat in a corner and tried to figure out how she was going to go on. She did but he died a horribly painful death. You really did not have to go that far. Years later you came for my mom not once or twice but 3 effing times. I know she was a tough one but you made sure to break her down first. Even attempting to take her mind. Then my auntee Bert another one that fought you tooth and nail. You came for my sister we sent you packing and trust if you show up for her again you will get another all out assualt. My church memebers, my coworkers and my friends. Now Wayman Tisdale. He was one of the guys that really got me into basketball. I followed him in his Jazz Career. He was 44 freakin years old. I know it means nothing to you since you go after kids too. Its been 25 damn years can you Please Please LEAVE ME THE F**K ALONE!!!!!

Momisms

2009-05-08T09:39:00.002-04:00

One monkey don’t stop this show.

This was what my mom said when someone she was counting on did not do as they said. I remember being all set to go to the park after church one Sunday and the other family we were to go with backed out. The problem was they had the grill we were to use to cook out at the park. My mom said oh well. We went home put all the food on our backyard pit to cook loaded in the truck and spent the afternoon at the park just like we planned.

But the time this struck me the most was one 4th of July when she was to drive from SC to NY for our annual family cookout. My mom was the backbone of our family. She was counted one to do the planning and most of the cooking for these things. She was counting on my cousin to do the driving as my mom was to have Chemo that morning and my sister was a double amputee who was still getting her bearings in dealing with her handicap. She goes to pick up my cousin and he says I just can’t leave right now. My mom with her handicapped daughter 12 year-old son and 3 grandkids got in a Tahoe with a trailer hitch and began to drive. When she got tired she passed the wheel to my sister. Yes the one with ONE arm. When they got to Maryland to pick up my son I asked where my cousin was she looked at me and said home I guess. I was a little reluctant to let my child join this ride along even if for only the last 4 hours. I whispered to my sister “What the hell were yall thinking” She said mom got in the truck and said “one monkey don’t stop this show. You ready to drive?” What was I going to say no? I said OK and here we are. I looked at my mom and knew that her picture had to be in the dictionary by the word strength.

From this I have learned to do the things I want to do by my self even if nobody else wants to. I have gone to concerts, movies, restaurants and even on trips solo and loved it. I have moved myself across 3 states with just my kids and have enjoyed my life to the fullest. If you want to come you are welcome but remember “one monkey will not stop this show!”

Remember who you are and whose you are.

This is what my mom always said to us when we left home for a date or to go somewhere without them. In college I would get these little cards from her with this at the end. This little tidbit has kept me out of trouble and gotten my into some trouble as well. Knowing who you are is a powerful thing. Knowing who I am has given me the courage not to compromise my values and knowing whose I am has always let me know that I am loved totally and completely. For all of the important decisions in my life I try to keep in mind who I am and whose I am. When I do that I am rarely disappointed with the decision I made.

You are responsible for you.

This is one of those momisms that sticks in your side. It sometimes feels like this pain and other times it is liberating. It is a pain when people treat me badly and I want to strike back. That is when I hear “you are not responsible for how they treat you but you are responsible for how you treat them”. So, more often that not, I take a deep breath and try to be as polite as I can. On the other hand, I have reminded ex lovers and friends that I am not responsible for your happiness, you are. I will not take responsibility for anyone else’s life as I have a hard enough time handling the one that I am responsible for.

If you want to feel better do something for somebody else.

We would get so upset with my mom because even during chemo she would go sit in the hospital with people. She would always remind us that taking your eyes off self helps to keep you grounded.

This one has helped me get through my parents’ birthdays and all the holidays I have had to endure since they passed. When I feel the sorrow and pity coming on I go out and do something nice for someone and it gives me such a lift. A few mother’s days ago I gave a brunch at my house for ladies from the nursing home. We had a blast! We talked about everything from politics to sex. The brunch turned into an all day affair with great ladies who had not had anyone who wanted to listen to them in years. I got some great advice and funny stories for years to come.

Just keep on living.

This one actually came from my grandma. Every time we would say I would never …….she would say to us just keep on living. Now I get it. All those things don’t seem so crazy anymore nor do some of the things I thought made her crazy. Mix up the kids names, give a friend my last dollar, stay up all night cooking for a holiday, cry when I am hurt by a friend, stay in a bad marriage, let my kid…. Every time I cross over to one of those I would nevers I smile. Just keep on living.

What goes around comes around

2009-05-07T12:43:00.003-04:00

1975 or so…

Me: I want to make clothes like you do when I grow up.

Mom: I want you to make better and prettier clothes than I do.

Me: You make pretty clothes.

Mom: But I want you to be better than me so you have to make prettier clothes.

Me: Why?

Mom: Because that’s what every mom wants for their kids to be better than them. Now stand up straight before you get stuck with a pin.

I had this conversation with my mom over and over again as I was growing up. The above instance was the first I remember. I was in 1st grade getting dressed for the homecoming parade in a dress my mom made the night before. I felt like a princess in this yellow dress with matching hair ribbons and socks she added lace to. What I did not know at the time was that my mom made the dress the night before because she got paid the day before and that was when she could afford to buy the material. Just thinking about that sacrifice brings tears to my eyes. You see I, like many of you had a superhero mom. Instead of the cape she wore this A line blue polyester skirt with matching light blue shirt during the week and the fiercest high heels with matching hats and suits on Sundays. This woman ran a household that included a husband, 6 to 8 kids and occasionally her mom, as well as, a business, was on the school board, worked 8 to 10 hours a day as a bus driver and was minister all at the same freaking time and she wants me to be better than her? Is she for real?

But now I get it. I have these amazing kids for whom I want every good thing life has to offer. Which is what lead to this:

2006

Boy: I want to be a good cooker like you mommy.

Me: You mean cook. I want you to cook better than mommy.

Boy: You cook really good you make the best food! I want to cook just like you.

Me: I want you to make better food than mommy.

Boy: Why?

Me: Because mommies want their kids to be better than them.

Boy: I don’t know if I can but I think I will make more hotdogs for my kids and they will like that better.

Me: OK

I don’t know that I have done better than my mother in any area. I am sure my siblings would balk at the suggestion that anyone can be better than mom. But I do know that I have tried to be at least as good. I think my kids will be just fine with that.

Please Go Away

2009-05-01T15:42:00.005-04:00

Michel Steele is causing me all kinds of conflicts. As a Democrat I love this guy he is priceless. Everytime he says or does something stupid it lets me know the other guy is suffering. But the Balck girl in me is kinda sorta rooting for him. Its like watching your kid play a little legue game against a friend's kid You really want your kid to win but would it really be so bad to root for your friend's kid too. At least let him get the ball. But There is just too much stupidity flowing.

Point A

Point B

Point C

Ok there are too many instances to put here but you get the picture. The Black girl in me cringes everytime I see his name in a headline or sees that he is going to be on TV. I am sitting there begging him not to say something stupid. Just please, please have a coherent thoughtout conversation and move on. But more times than not I am left thinking will he just please go away. Watching him is like watching the news when the Black chick in the curlers and pajamas at 3pm with the baby on her hip, who is more often than not dirty, and wondering was she the only witness they could have found. I admit I am one of those Black people. I often am going "please don't let him be Black" when I hear of some crime. Oh and I have enough friends of other races to know that you all think the same way when it comes to soemthing that is sterotypical of your race. So don't judge. But, back to Steele I beg of you Micheal stop making a fool out of yourself. I should be used to it by now I remeber you being all upset because The Sun paper said that you were chosen to be Lt Governer becuse you were Black and you were all outraged. Then you put up these lifelike signs of you on Moravia Rd and in other mostly Black neighborhoods saying something to the effect of make history and vote for your first AA Lt Gov. You forgot to mention we would get old Bob with that package too. You can't be outraged when someone brings up race then use it for your benefit. It would be like me complaining becuse someone pointed out I was a woman and then plastering pictures of myself in a bikini all over the place. So Mike I say to you in the words of my dear Grandma stop actin' like you don't have the sense God gave you! The Democrat in me loves loves it but the Balck girl in me can't take much more of this. Give her a break please?

Whose Life is This?

2009-05-01T09:50:00.001-04:00

I feel like a visitor in my life sometimes. There are days when I hear this happy person speaking and I am amazed to realize it is me. I don’t know who that person is some days. Because me, I am sad upset and wondering where my life went wrong. But this person who looks like me wakes her kids with love and gives hugs and encouragement to get out of the house. She is put together no makeup that is the one thing we have in common but she looks good. She has a great smile and shares it with everyone even the people in the cars passing her on the road. She has on music and is singing laughing and talking to her kids. She has that same smile for the crossing guards, teachers, parents and other kids when it is time for school drop-off. As she drives out of the loop I get to come back. It is my car, those were my kids she dropped off and she is wearing my clothes but the sadness that inhibits my heart has no place in hers. She takes the life she has and does with it the best she can. Me? Not so much. I like that I have a convertible but it would be better if it was a Saab actually it should be a Saab. If I could get my child support, and didn’t work in such a male controlled field, I would have that Saab. But she looks at child support as their responsibility. She says she is responsible for how SHE treats her children not how anyone else does. Me, I see all the things they are missing. Having to do only one activity at a time only being able to go to a week of specialty camp. I want them to pay and pay now! Our lives would be better, we deserve better!

Then there are those times when she embraces me. We spend a day watching TV, not getting dressed and eating to fill my sadness. All of a sudden she hears her/my mother say I am too blessed to be stressed, or one of the hundreds of little inspirational tidbits she has collected over the years and she moves on. She gets up puts on the best clothes in the closet and heads out. Leaving me to my worries, and hurts all by myself. I am not sure when we spilt but we have not spent everyday hanging out for some time now. We spent a week or so together after Dad died, and about a month after Mom but she refuses to spend a lot of time with me now. The most I get is a few minutes here or an hour or so there and then she drops me. I wish I could be like her. But all that smiling, hugging and doing for others is too much for me. I got my own problems. One of them is trying to figure out whose life this is. I no longer remember who got here first. Am I the visitor or is she.

This Little Girl

2009-04-21T11:38:00.001-04:00

I have these kids who are just the light of my life. But, and there is always a but. I like it that they are growing up. I never cried at the first day of school, or got sad when they could dress themselves. None of their milestones ever bothered me. I celebrated each and every one as them being a step closer to the door.

That is until now. This little girl is different. I love her no more no less than her brothers but there is something soo sweet and loving about her, that I cannot handle the little things that indicate her growth. She was the independent sort from birth. She was here 1.7 hours after my first labor pain. She did not give me time to get the nice man to put that wonderful needle in my spine. (I was soo looking forward to it) I forgave her for it the minute she came out looking as long as a 3 month old with these little chicken legs and fingers longer than any baby should have. She knew I was tired so she cooed for a minute got herself some grub and went straight to sleep. She was my company in the height of the grief of losing my mother. I look at her now and I am so unprepared for the mix of emotions she brings. Every one of her birthdays is another year that I have spent without my mom. But she brings more joy that I could ever have hoped for. It makes my heart sad but my spirit joyous to listen to her tell me the story of her days in kindergarten. I am soo happy that she dresses herself yet utterly unprepared for the heaviness of my heart when she appears out of her room completely dressed shoes on the right feet and looking stunning. I wonder sometimes if this beautiful little girl is really the result of me the completely gawky, nerdy little kid with the off color hair. She is bubbly and giggly where I was sad and withdrawn. Yet here she is with my mom’s personality and her dad’s height and smile. I do not think I am ready for the big girl that is in my little girl. I want to always hear that wonderful giggle. But I know that all too soon she will be a teenager shutting me out and not wanting to snuggle with me. I am just not sure I can handle it.

Where Are You On The List

2009-04-15T14:23:00.001-04:00

I was reading an article about Oprah’s interview with Michelle Obama and there was a line that just got me. When Oprah asked her about getting up at 4:30am (YES, AM!!!!) to workout she said “Well, I just started thinking, if I had to get up to go to work, I'd get up and go to work. If I had to get up to take care of my kids, I'd get up to do that. But when it comes to yourself, then it's suddenly, "Oh, I can't get up at 4:30." So I had to change that.” The last part of that has kept me up at night thinking about it. Why is it that when it comes to us we are always on the back burner? Everywhere I looked I saw evidence of that. At home my room looks barren and my covers are hand me down sorta matching things that I hate. My kids’ rooms are completely decorated with NEW matching covers, curtains and beautiful accessories. My closet is full of thrift store finds while my kids have a good mix of new and thrift. My dentist appointment got canceled because it was at the same time of the Kindergarten circus. My personal workspace is a mess while I spend a lot of time making sure our shared spaces are neat. I am always last on my list, that is, when I make it to the list. I see that not just in me but many other women, actually just about every woman I know. My sister who is a double amputee is looking for a second, yes, second job to pay for my niece’s sweet sixteen. My one friend always jokes about looking like her kids’ nanny because they are all clean and very well dressed while she may or may not have cheetos or oatmeal stuck to some part of her outfit which consists of the same 3 pairs of sweats and tees. My co-workers all come to work sick because we need to save our time off for when the kids or husband or whomever else besides us are sick. My other friend drives a 6 year old Camry while her daughter drives a 3 year old BMW. Every where we look there is someone telling us that we need to take care of ourselves but it seems to fall on deaf ears, or maybe we are too busy listening to the next thing we need to fix.

I must admit that I have my vices. I may scrounge on the dollar rack for my clothes but my undies cost insane amounts that cause me to cringe when I think of where that money could go. I spent my childhood in white utilitarian undies because my mom loved, loved Clorox. It was after all the ONLY thing that got undies clean and sanitary enough to wear again (yes, she had germ issues). I always have wine in my house. I love wine, I cook with wine and occasionally I put some in the food. I have a wine cooler on my counter that I got BEFORE the new refrigerator in my new place (well I found it on Craig’s list first). These things are mine! I will not give them up. But my Dr. appointment, hair appointment, my room that I have grand plans for are always last on the list. Sick? Who has time for illness or the rest needed to get over it I certainly don’t. Where are you on your list? What do you do to take care of you? Will you take Mrs. Obama’s advice and change how you prioritize yourself?

Sense of Humor

2008-11-12T15:12:00.000-05:00

This article about President-elect Obama's sister Maya reminds me that having a sense of humor is a good thing. This passage where she talks about her grandma gave me a good laugh and made me feel much better:

Dunham, whom Obama called Toot (a form of Tutu, the Hawaiian word for "grandparent"), never showed self-pity or fear as she faced the end of her life, Soetoro-Ng writes. But Dunham could be wickedly funny. "When she saw the number of flowers that had been sent to her," Soetoro-Ng writes, "she said, 'Oh my ... with all of this hullabaloo, it's going to be embarrassing if I DON'T die.' I gave her a chuckle and of course told her that I wouldn't at all mind such an embarrassment, and then I invited her to stay and dance with me into the New Year. She couldn't stay, but she certainly tried, and defied expectations again and again."

Treading Water

2008-11-12T10:12:00.000-05:00

Today I woke up feeling like I am treading water. I feel like the kid in swim class who is trying to pass the test. Just looking at the edge of the pool but too tired or scared (not sure which) to get there. I know this is due in part to my late mommy's birthday being in a few days and my parents anniversary would have been last Saturday. This would have benn a time of activity for me if they were alive. I would be figuring out what to get them both and then what to get her. My biggest worry during this time of year was getting the presents home in time to not be talked about from the pulpit on the Sunday after. Now I am looking at which women's center I will be giving out the lotions my kids wrapped. Getting through the day without having the ultimate selfish thoughs of why did she survive and not my mom. I usually do but this year I am not so sure if I can get through this without wondering why MY mommy? This makes my heart soo sad and I am finding it harder and harder to get out of bed in the morning.

The First Family

2008-11-05T12:49:00.000-05:00

Huffington Post

Things that make you go hmmm

2008-10-28T13:02:00.000-04:00

I read this a few weeks ago:

On Election Day it will not matter to some 4.7 million Americans whether they are Republicans, Democrats, independents or whether they have an opinion on anything at all. Under various state laws, they are barred from voting because they have felony records. This includes not just prison inmates (48 states), parolees (33 states) and probationers (29 states) but also a large number of people -- one third of the disenfranchised in all -- who are off parole and "free." Minorities are hit particularly hard by these state laws: They deny 13 percent of African American men the vote.

But this morning I read this:

jury on Monday convicted Stevens of seven counts of making false statements on Senate ethics forms to hide hundreds of thousands of dollars in gifts and work on his Alaska home from an oilfield contractor at the center of a corruption investigation in the state.

Stevens, 84, is the first senator convicted of a felony since Harrison Williams, a New Jersey Democrat, was convicted on bribery charges in 1981. Senate rules do not require Stevens to resign his seat.

Ok, so just to summarize, you cannot vote as a felon but you can be a Senator? Forget it Arsenio, this made me go WTF?

2008-10-23T10:37:00.002-04:00

I have come to realize just how special my childhood was. Not just that I spent my childhood between SC in the winter and NY in the summer. I was a village reared kid. I grew up where we never went to a sitter we went to auntie’s or grandma’s house. I was the first and only grandchild and niece in my family for many years. Spoiled was not the word, my grandma used to call it ruient (ruined, I think). I had it good and I highly recommend it if you have the chance. But I was surrounded by good decent men. Not just men but Black men. From my father to my uncles to my older cousins they were loving responsible men. I never had to look far for a man that I knew loved me for no other reason than that I existed. I keep coming across all of these beautiful photos of President Obama with his girls and of he and Michelle. That look he has when he talks about her or is seen in the pictures where he is looking at her or the girls. I realized that these are not media image we see often of our men. He looks at Michelle the same way my dad used to look at my mom. I remember those looks of pride during some of her sermons or his smiling when she was dressed up. My dad used to joke about how the men would be lining up the minute he closed his eyes becouse his girl was beautiful! But sadly not many of our kids get the chance to live in the world I did nor see great images of men that look like them or their daddy. I used to believe that the absent Black man was a myth. I have seen and experienced first hand that he is not. It is a sad thing. I know that Blacks in general have placed a lot of our hopes and dreams on President Obama’s shoulders. In some ways this is very unfair to him but this is the reality of any public figure. The good news is he knows and seems to accept this. In an interview he had this to say:

“I grew up without a father in the home, and I know how hard it is for a lot of young men and boys who maybe don’t have a father,” Obama said. “To the extent that I can serve as a role model for them, where parents can say here’s somebody who stayed in school and dreamed big dreams and has accomplished something, I’m happy to be used in that way.”

For me though I think one of the most important contributions the Obamas have made could just be in the pictures. These pictures of him with is family are to me the perfect counterbalance to the negative images we see of Black men and families everyday. I know that there are critics out there who are in Obama overload but these images are long coming. In looking on the web I see these images of only Will and Jada Smith. There are many Black celebrities with healthy marriages and happy well adjusted children but those images are not often captured for our children to model. Samuel L Jackson has been married to his wife for over 20 years but a few years ago when he spent time with is daughter on vacation she was reported to be a mystery woman. Because the images of him as loving father are not there. Michael Jordan is another that comes to mind, he has 2 sons and was married for many years, there are thousands of images of him but I could only find one of him with his kids and wife. Denzel Washington is a father and a man who has a long lasting marriage. There have been reports of him in the stands for his son’s college games but none of him watching little league games or just hanging with his kids. Maybe these men have opted for their family’s privacy. But maybe nobody thought these images were important. For children of all races these are important images. Not only do Black children need to see positive images of other Blacks so do children and adults of other races. Imagine seeing the Vogue Cover of Lebron James, any cover of Fifty cents, watching cops and then going to kindergarten to find a Mr. teacher. Maybe just a little scary? Maybe if there weren't so many negative images of us the incident in Philly would not have had to happen and 65 kids would not have that hurtful experience forever sealed in their memories. Just. Maybe.

Is there something wrong with being Muslim?

2008-10-20T16:45:00.000-04:00

I was very happy to see Collin Powell endorse Barack Obama on Sunday. He was articulate and reasoned in making his case for Sen. Obama. I am grateful for that but I think the most important part for me was when he talked about the tone of the campaigns and he said:

I'm also troubled by, not what Senator McCain says, but what members of the party say. And it is permitted to be said such things as, "Well, you know that Mr. Obama is a Muslim." Well, the correct answer is, he is not a Muslim; he's a Christian. He's always been a Christian.
But the really right answer is, "What if he is?" Is there something wrong with being a Muslim in this country? The answer's no, that's not America. Is there something wrong with some seven-year-old Muslim-American kid believing that he or she could be president? Yet, I have heard senior members of my own party drop the suggestion, "He's a Muslim and he might be associated [with] terrorists." This is not the way we should be doing it in America.

I feel strongly about this particular point because of a picture I saw in a magazine. It was a photo essay about troops who are serving in Iraq and Afghanistan. And one picture at the tail end of this photo essay was of a mother in Arlington Cemetery, and she had her head on the headstone of her son's grave. And as the picture focused in, you could see the writing on the headstone. And it gave his awards—Purple Heart, Bronze Star—showed that he died in Iraq, gave his date of birth, date of death. He was 20 years old. And then, at the very top of the headstone, it didn't have a Christian cross, it didn't have the Star of David, it had crescent and a star of the Islamic faith. And his name was Kareem Rashad Sultan Khan, and he was an American.

He was born in New Jersey. He was 14 years old at the time of 9/11, and he waited until he can go serve his country, and he gave his life. Now, we have got to stop polarizing ourself in this way. And John McCain is as nondiscriminatory as anyone I know. But I'm troubled about the fact that, within the party, we have these kinds of expressions.

Here is the picture he was refering to. 1000 words indeed!

As an American I cry when I see the dates on these fallen soldier's headstones. I know that we refer to them as young men and women, and they are, but to us mothers they are babies. As a mother I cried when I saw this picture my heart aches for her. For me it makes this war and all this divisivness personal. This baby was only a few years older than one of my sons. This Muslim and all like him belong to us all. This baby went out to fight for all those freedoms we hold dear. I hope the next time someone associates Muslim with anti-American they think of this picture and the many mothers like this one.

Great job Mr. Powell.

Abso-effing-lutely NOT funny

2008-10-16T20:52:00.001-04:00

The latest newsletter by an Inland Republican women's group depicts Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama surrounded by a watermelon, ribs and a bucket of fried chicken, prompting outrage in political circles.
The October newsletter by the Chaffey Community Republican Women, Federated says if Obama is elected his image will appear on food stamps -- instead of dollar bills like other presidents. The statement is followed by an illustration of "Obama Bucks" -- a phony $10 bill featuring Obama's face on a donkey's body, labeled "United States Food Stamps."

Read the whole story

Funnies

2008-10-16T15:29:00.001-04:00

http://www.politico.com/wuerker/

Honest Conversations

2008-10-15T11:11:00.001-04:00

I attend Bible study at an Evangelical church. When I went to Bible study last night I pulled in beside this Volvo XC 70 which I want badly. So I am looking at the car and on the back window there is a sticker that has PALIN! In large letters on top with Mccain/Palin 2008 at the bottom. I smiled and thought to myself Johnny boy had better watch his back. Then I noticed the owner of the car getting out as she was on her cell. We walked in together talking about the lesson for the night. After bible study we go into the little coffee shop and a few of us start to talk. The conversation turn to the election and I realize I am out numbered so I just say well Obama has my vote. There is this smile on Volvo lady’s face as she says I hope this doesn’t offend you but can I ask if it is because he is Black? I say no offense taken but it is because he is a democrat just as I voted for Clinton, Gore, and Kerry I am voting for Obama. So I ask are you not voting for him because he is Black? She goes no it is because he is a democrat. We all have a laugh. And she finishes with she doesn’t see color. I tell her I am the exact opposite. I see color. I am glad we are not all the same. I told her that seeing color allows me to respect the differences that are inherent in us and to me our differences are one of the things that speak to the awesomeness of the God we serve. Of the billions of people on this earth there is no one that is exactly like me that is just beyond awesome. I tell her that it is PC to claim not to see color but if you had seen me in a dark parking lot yelling at my kids and staring at the back of your car how would you have described the incident the next day? She says touché I get your point. I would have said there was this Black lady behind my car yelling at her kids. We all talk about this a little.

Then the question is posed to me as to why Blacks always vote Democratic. I say besides Strom Thurmond, David Duke, and Jesse Helms. There is the Southern strategy; this insistence that everything is the fault of the poor, that affirmative action is a way of hiring unqualified people instead of a way of promoting diversity. Even Collin Powell has pointed out that he benefited from affirmative action. Never mind that there are the Sean Hannitys, Rush Limbaughs oh and Obama waffles showing up at a value voters summit for three days before someone thinks it is not a good idea. Then there is this insistence that abortion is the greatest evil we need to fight against when we have children living in unspeakable circumstances. But the argument is they just need to pull themselves up by their bootstraps when half of them didn’t even get the boots. By the time I was finished going on the room was silent and uncomfortably so. Volvo lady looks at me and says you seem to have been holding that in for a while. I tell her that I spend time in a lot of places where I am the only Black person and have been asked that question more than once.

I said now what I really want to know is why you guys aren’t mad at all of the republicans you have helped to elect? None of them have overturned Roe v Wade. None of them have held firm to the personal responsibility code. George Busch lied out and out lied and he was elected twice. His administration has taken a surplus and is leaving a deficit like we have never seen. How could any of you cast a vote for him after what is campaign did to John McCain in SC in 2000? I was told about their family values, that he hasn’t been as bad of a president as Democrats have made him out to be. I say wait where is the personal responsibility thing he contributed to this mess and greatly does he not have some responsibility? To that I got yes but. I told them excuses are tools for the weak and incompetent. Which is Bush? Then I ask the blowup question how in the world can you sleep at night and cast a vote for a woman is so completely unprepared for the seriousness of the time we are in and the man who decided this was a good idea? Volvo lady is the first to the defense of Palin she goes on about her being a Gov and a mayor, and she can’t be that bad if she has gotten that far. I ask her if she got the resumes of Sarah Palin and Barack Obama on her desk which would she call in for an interview and why? She said well I don’t know? The guy running the class says I have to admit I would call in Obama but for this election I agree with Sarah and John more. I told him you would not hire either of them to work with everyday but you would hire them to run your country and that has an impact not only on you but your kids and my kids as well as everyone in this country. They all got my point but we agreed to disagree.

So I would like to pose these questions to you all.

Why aren’t you republicans pissed at George Busch and the likes?

Why do you think more Blacks aren’t republicans?

And to answer your question I go to an evangelical bible study because it is on a convenient night for my family.

Why Are We Talking About This?

2008-10-10T14:19:00.001-04:00

I have stayed away as of late because I am just too emotionally invested in this election. I can say though that Sarah Palin asking who is Barack Obama pisses me off to the nth degree. Who is she? Where in the h*ll did she come from? But this thing with Ayers is killing me. Because for one who investigates their friends? I was very surprised to find out that one of my best friends for the last 7 years has been married 3 times. Then there are those things in my past I plan to take to my grave with me. My mom, who was just one of the best people I have ever known, told us when she found out she had brain cancer that she had already prayed to God to let her take certain things to her grave. So we may as well not be looking for her to blurt out some secret when her mind goes. Who would have thought she had any secrets she needed to take to her grave?

Bill Ayers has made a complete turn in his life. This is a case of throwing out the baby with the bath water. Has no one thought of the consequences to this man's life? He has done very good works and became a very productive member of society and somehow an aquantance with him makes you un-American? This is a person with feelings there are going to be consequences to him. Today I saw this letter posted on the web:

As the lead federal prosecutor of the Weathermen in the 1970s (I was then chief of the criminal division in the Eastern District of Michigan and took over the Weathermen prosecution in 1972), I am amazed and outraged that Senator Barack Obama is being linked to William Ayers’s terrorist activities 40 years ago when Mr. Obama was, as he has noted, just a child.Although I dearly wanted to obtain convictions against all the Weathermen, including Bill Ayers, I am very pleased to learn that he has become a responsible citizen.Because Senator Obama recently served on a board of a charitable organization with Mr. Ayers cannot possibly link the senator to acts perpetrated by Mr. Ayers so many years ago.I do take issue with the statement in your news article that the Weathermen indictment was dismissed because of “prosecutorial misconduct.” It was dismissed because of illegal activities, including wiretaps, break-ins and mail interceptions, initiated by John N. Mitchell, attorney general at that time, and W. Mark Felt, an F.B.I. assistant director.

William C. Ibershof
Mill Valley, Calif., Oct. 8, 2008

Isn't Mr Ayers behaving in a way that we want all people who have made mistakes to? He has rebuilt his life and he is doing it by helping others. Mr. Ayers' work in Education has probaly already impacted a child to the degree that they will not make the choices he made. Working with our youth and elderly has lasting positive impact.

It is time to move on. Lets get to how to fix this mess of our economy, healthcare system, education system and the wars we are in. I am however willing to entertain anyone who can tell me a few things:

1 How will this relationship impact an Obama presidency?

2. What exactly will Obama do as president because of Mr. Ayers?

3. Where will congress be when Obama starts doing these things?

4. How many of your friends and co-workers have you done a background investigation on?

Ok #4 is just for me.

Lay off Gwen

2008-10-02T11:34:00.002-04:00

Note to Conservatives: BACK OFF OF GWEN! I started seeing these stories yesterday about Ms. Ifill and her new book. I could not believe what I was seeing. Ms Ifill somehow will not be able to be fair because she is writing a book about Obama. What they failed to mention was that the book was not about only Obama but Patrick Devaul, Collin Powel and a host of other Black politicians. Her book is actually about the evolution of politics in Black America. This is a look at where we were in the 60s to where we are today. Of course I suspect a lot of the book will be about Obama and I am hoping there will be some material about David Patterson. Michelle Malkin wrote in the New York Post about Ifill's book, saying, "She's so far in the tank for the Democratic presidential candidate, her oxygen delivery line is running out." WHAT?????

Ms. Ifill has been doing this a long time. She is not some rookie who is having an Obama love fest, she is a professional reporter. In her time she has not shown anything but professionalism. Her work should speak for it self. Are these questions because, dare I say it, she is Black? Any moderator is going to hopefully be a voter. Therefore they will be voting for one person and not the other does that automatically make them biased. I cannot find any reference to where Ms. Ifill has come out in favor of Obama. David Bauder writes:

Ifill questions why people assume that her book will be favorable toward Obama.
"Do you think they made the same assumptions about Lou Cannon (who is white) when he wrote his book about Reagan?" said Ifill, who is black. Asked if there were racial motives at play, she said, "I don't know what it is. I find it curious."
In an article posted on CNN this morning where they talk of an interview she gave back on September 4th:

"I'm in great demand -- everyone wants to talk to me -- but I'm not speaking for the whole race," Ifill said. "My job is to be a reporter. I cannot be the great interpreter. It's not my job to be on someone else's air telling them what black people think."

Ifill told Kurtz that as Obama accepted his party's nomination for president, a white television reporter asked her: "Aren't you just blown away by all of this?" She said she was not.

Kurtz also points out that "on one level, Ifill says, she views this moment as the daughter of a black minister who marched in civil rights demonstrations and who she wishes were alive to see what Obama has achieved."
Ifill told Kurtz, "I still don't know if he'll be a good president. I'm still capable of looking at his pros and cons in a political sense." Besides, Ifill says, "no one's ever assumed a white reporter can't cover a white candidate."

She does not seem to be now nor ever trying to hide the fact that she is writing this book. I suspect this is a setup for Palin. If she falls on her face then it was because she was in an unfair fight not because she is out of her league but because the moderator was biased. If she does well it will be in spite of having a biased moderator. They have to be dizzy from all that spinning. This is an insult to Ms. Ifill and Mrs. Palin. If she is qualified then let her go, no pre-game set ups just get out and clean Biden’s clock. Because she is qualified and can do the job just as well as he can. Yes, there are questions about her but show some grace and dignity and just set about proving the critics wrong. I am a woman who has spent her entire career around people who assumed I was there not because I was qualifed, but for a host of other reasons. You do the job and earn the respect not whine about everything and everyone that may work against you.

In the interest of full disclosure I am a HUGE Gwen Ifill fan. She looks like my mom and as a kid I said if I wasn’t going to be a doctor then I would be her. Neither panned out. Sigh. I was not now nor ever a Sarah Palin fan. She hurts my head and heart. I was not a Hillary fan but man I was proud of her and still am every time she opens her mouth. Condi and I would never agree on politics but she is smart and classy. I can say none of this of Palin. She opens her mouth and I cringe. Class not so much. She is to me the relative that you would only prefer to see at the family reunion. We all have them that one person you wish you could get rid of but can’t. I fear Sarah will be a weight on many a woman’s shoulders for years to come. No matter how you feel about her.

I digress, if John McCain’s Campaign truly did not know about this book they really, really should not let that on. How stupid are they? I could have found this out back before everything was on the net. READ. I ordered my copy of this book 3 weeks ago. If they are this unprepared in the campaign how can they run the country?

Turning Red To Blue

2008-09-23T20:28:00.000-04:00

On Thursday I had the pleasure of attending a South Carolina Campaign for change event sponsored by the SC Democratic Party. Here are some photos from that event.

How appropriate!

From the oldest..............

To the youngest

and everyone in between

Even Fashionistas!

Ok so everyone wasn't inspired for change!

Many thanks to Miles our photographer for the night. No wonder we only have shots of ladies! Who could say no to this face?

The SC Democratic Party is hoping that Red+volunteers=blue!

Cheering For Sarah Palin

2008-09-23T13:02:00.000-04:00

Today I am rooting for Sarah Palin. I know, I know ironic. I am rooting for her in the way you root for your kid when they wait for the last minute to do an assignment. You know you don’t want them to fail but you kind of hope for a not so good grade so they can see the importance of proper prior planning. Maybe I am the only bad mommy but how can I be right if they get an A after waiting to the night before to even start the thing. I digress. I have seen and heard the reports of her going to the UN today to meet with Afghan President Hamid Karzai and other world leaders. One reporter referred to the meetings as foreign policy speed dating. As I lay in bed this morning getting my last prayers up I included one for her to not screw this up. I know I should be hoping she does so it will fly in the face of all those people who are talking about her being a ‘sharp’ woman, able and smart enough to run our country. But truth is I do not want her to screw this one up too badly. Our image as a nation has taken enough hits that we do not need anymore. You see most people would assume that a nation’s leaders represent the best and brightest it has to offer. If she walks into these talks and says or does something stupid what does that say about us? Remember these people have been talking with W over the past 8 years and have lost all respect for America. What will Sarah do today?

Obama and McCain have the respect of a lot of leaders around the world. It has been reported that the President of Georgia called Joe Biden before calling W when Russia invaded. So we know about them. Now here she is with a shiny new passport with 2 whole stamps on it and she wants a meeting with someone whose support is vital to our efforts in Afghanistan. We need his support if we are to have any chance of dealing with the Taliban. Forget the fact that she could make us look bad, screwing this up can cause loss of more lives. I have family and friends in Afghanistan and their safe return is a daily prayer of mine. I have attended enough funerals over the last 8 years. So today I am cheering, and praying for Sarah Palin. DO NOT SCREW THIS UP!

Whose Kids are These? Part one

2008-09-22T13:49:00.000-04:00

My 12 year-old told me the other day that he has “girl issues” he wanted my perspective on. He says his new girlfriend was upset that his old girlfriend asked him if they could go out again. The new girlfriend is mad because he even spoke to the old one. OK now as I try not to choke on my coffee. I told him that his new girlfriend’s insecurities were not his problem, but he had to make sure he was being sensitive to her feelings. I asked was he bragging about the old girlfriend, and how did she even find out as he should have said no and moved on. We went round and round and I told him that he needs to remember that he has a sister and cousins and to always treat girls how he would want boys to treat them. This always gets a kind of panicked look from him as his little sister is his biggest adorer and he returns that love full force. They are soo sickening to watch. That little nugget of advice always bring out the “man” in him as he talks about how he will be leaning on any guy that she brings home. OK now back to my rant this kid is 12 and in the 8th grade whose kid is this? Girl problems? I keep looking at him and thinking this is the kid who did not brush his teeth without me standing over him just 4 short years ago and now he has girl problems? Who are these girls and where are their parents? I know I wanted my kids to come to me but can’t they call their aunts or uncles for this kind of heartburn stuff? Is it too late to just bury my head in the sand? Lord help me I need some amaretto in this coffee.

My 7 year-old gets an IEP to officially tell me what I paid someone ($150) else to tell me a year ago. He is dual exceptional. What is that you ask? My kid has ADD AND he is gifted. Yeah, I know you can’t make this stuff up. He is already suffering from the biggest case of middle child syndrome that I have seen since my sister (33 and still not over it) and now this little fact. He makes 101 on a spelling test one week and the next he makes 30. The difference…. his table mate was crying when he made the 30. Not sure how to even begin addressing this. Is it fair for him to get another test? So I just send the teacher a note asking her to call when she gets a chance. Right now I guess I will just ask what her opinion of what we should do about this. I know he knew all of those words but how genuine does this sound from him mom? Sigh!!! Why can’t he just be pulling some girl’s hair or making noise? That, I know how to deal with. This I am a fish out of water, wayyy out. I do not want to be that parent the teacher does not want to hear from but I have to get my kid through school with at least a little self esteem, how else can I expect him to leave home before 30?

My charming, beautiful, loving daughter thinks she is princess of the world. Literally. She seems to think that class time should revolve around her. She has taken to throwing things, giggling to no end and making bad jokes. Her father and brother think it is because she is so smart that she is bored. I think it is her just being a brat. I know she is my kid and God I love her but she does think the world begins and ends at her feet. She told her last babysitter that her dad calls her princess but “you people” don’t. I am still trying to figure out who you people are I am guessing its those of us who live on planet earth. Anyway, I talk to her nicely and take away her TV time. She is all tearful and mournful telling me how she will not do it again. OK 2 days later I get the same call. This time I was not so nice and I would not let her wear any of her new clothes, make her carry her old lunch bag and all has been well ever since. Princess of the world indeed.

Just writing this has made me realize how much I need a trip to the adult drink store. Amaretto, red wine, white wine, gin…. maybe I just need to see if they have a store credit card. I see a lot of praying and drinking in my future and not always in that order.

Bailout Please!!!!

2008-09-18T08:56:00.000-04:00

I heard you are doing bailouts. I do not need an insane figure like 85B I would just like 85K. See I got a little problem over here. I have 3 children who all expect to clothed, fed and have a place to live. They want insane things like new backpacks, money for lunch, fees for football, soccer, basketball and then there are those dance lessons and karate. Not to mention all of the gear and the time and gas that goes into those things. So I just said no fall activities because truth is last time I went to the gas station and the grocery store in the same day I had to call that automated system to make sure I had enough to cover everything. I keep trying to get a second job but not one of them want to pay me enough to pay the babysitter. See I have collateral, well some. The great state of Maryland let me know last month that I am owed a little over 18k in child support. I know that only a little more than 20% but I do have a car and a bank account well some electronics may be better. I just need to know where to line up for this loan. I think my kids and I could use a little bail out too as some of the reasons we even need this loan could be blamed on your boss not doing such a good job. You see my healthcare cost have equaled to or surpassed my raise for the last 5 years. Gas, my goodness what a mess that is. It affects everything from a gallon of milk, which we rarely buy, to a dozen eggs which I now buy from the local farmer’s market because I cannot even think of buying them in the grocery store. I am driving a pretty old vehicle which I can’t even dream of getting rid of.

I know you need to know what I will do with the money so here is my list:

I will let each kid chose a sport or activity for the fall as has been our tradition in the past.
I will fill up my car each week
I will take the kids out to eat once a week like we used to
I will go the grocery store and just buy food and a few snacks without feeling panicky on my way to the register
I will buy myself something new not from the thrift or consignment shop but something with real tags on it
I will take my care to the dealer for that $212 service it “needs” according to the light anyway.
I will buy my children a Wii and a few games for it. I know this is not a necessity but they really are great kids and follow my “the way we live bulls**t” as the reason for not having one when the truth is I cannot justify buying one see note above on trip to grocery store and gas station.
Lastly I will take my son on a special trip for his 13th birthday I have been planning it for a long time and even started saving for it but I will have to dip into that savings for Christmas this year so the trip is looking a little more like tickets to a football game (college)

Pretty much I would just like to live like it is 2003, 2001 even 1999. Any help in this matter would be greatly appreciated. I will submit all necessary documents for your loan application. Just let me know where to send them.

Fears

2008-09-16T11:55:00.000-04:00

There are some things that stay just below the surface. You know that they are there you just keep them at bay. One of those things for me is my sister’s illness. My sister is this really beautiful woman with this smile that is over the top. She has this gap that seems different every time she smiles. She is a 30 something mother of 3, who to this day is your typical little sister. She can be the biggest pain in the rear ever. I often say that even if she is 90 with advanced Alzheimer’s she will still be able to tell you my age and some embarrassing story from my youth.

Eight years ago my mom called and said she was sick. She was mid 20s then, so her being sick got an “oh, tell her I hope she feels better. I will call you tomorrow and check on her.” No major concern because after all what could be wrong with my little sister? The next day my mom called and said your sister is really sick and you need to get here. I got everything together and went home or rather to the hospital. I got in just in time for the doctors to explain that they were going to amputate just below the knee. WHAT? It was like someone had pushed me down that rabbit hole. I had to be dreaming. Amputate what? It turns out for some unknown reason my sister’s body had turned on itself and her leg needed to be amputated. They were talking about doing everything in their power to save her arm. I felt like there was that roaring in my ears that you get when there is too much water in them. I could not be hearing this correctly. My sister my 24 year-old sister could not be this sick. We needed to get a second opinion. There was no time as she was dying. To this day I cannot comprehend a lot of what went on during those weeks and months my sister spent in the hospital. I remember when she was in critical care and she was put on life support between the time we had seen her at 3:15 and the time we saw her at 4:00. I still don’t know why I remember the time but I remember my mom losing her ability to stand when she saw her baby hooked up to all those machines. I remember the look in her eyes the first time I saw her after the amputation. She later said she told me not to let her husband turn off her life support, which may be why she looked so lost and frightened. I remember the doctors telling us that they did not why and did not know how to treat her but they were working on it in the meantime the best thing we could do is pray. What?!! We had a minister there and it took 12 yes, 12 of them to crowd into a room and tell us that? I do know that I cannot spend more than 5 minutes really remembering that time without feeling scared sh*tless. My sister did since have her arm amputated in one of those repeat visits to the critical care ward; I lost count of them after # 7. She spent months in the hospital and in rehab. Then another few months in outpatient therapy.

Today for the most part she is just that same kid who was gonna tell no matter what. When we talk about her time in the hospital or her illness it is with a joking tone. I love to see the look on a salesperson’s face when I ask them if it makes sense to spend X dollars on shoes when she can only wear one? Or her telling us that we can rest assured that if she had passed she would have felt no pain as morphine is an amazing thing. We talk about how the nurse called us the Kentucky relatives because we just kept multiplying. She said no one wanted to take her on as they were afraid of us rioting. Her doctor looked like Doggie Howser I swear this kid looked 16. We never talk of the tears and how much we prayed. How utterly terrified we were. There are times when I talk to her that I do not even remember that time. Then there are those days like today when one scene or another keeps coming back to me. Do not get me wrong my sister leads her life as if there is nothing different about her. She gets a little miffed when people tell her what an inspiration she is. She says “What? I have 3 kids sitting around looking out the window is not an option for me.” You see my double amputee sister is a working teacher who cares for her family, drives wherever she want to go, the ultimate fashionista, a businesswoman and a wife. She sees no reason her illness has anything to do with how she lives her life. This post is just her big sister who could not protect her from this and am afraid of something else happening to her. This is about my fears not hers. She lives her life in a way that tells me to keep my fears out of her life. These are the times when I do not know what to do with the fear. I would not dare put it on her she was the one who went through the tubes, the probing, and the mystery that has never been solved. So I put it here. I try to come to terms with my fear and my helplessness because this chick seems fearless. It would be wrong to impose my fears on her life. But does she really have to drive 4 hrs with just her kids? Does she need to be the advisor on the school trip? Why can’t she just finish her master’s already so she can get out of the classroom and in a safe little office? Some time I think it is because she is just being that little pain in the a** sister who wants to cause me heartache. Then I think of this book I read by Maya Angelou in which she says in order to give up you have to have been taught how. No one ever taught us how to give up so she has no clue how to live within the realms of fear. But there are days like to day when I wish she would try.

WTF?

2008-09-11T13:59:00.001-04:00

I am in Oz? Did I fall down the rabbit hole? I am trying to get through my day without more tears so I go online to read the news. And I get this:

CBS takes down McCain webad, suggests it's 'misleading'

“One of the great lessons of that campaign is the continued and accepted role of sexism in American life," Couric is quoted in the ad.
In the original clip, which aired months before Palin entered the race, Couric was talking about Hillary Clinton. The ad applies her words to Palin.

Then this:
Nasty Anti-Obama Push Poll Launched In Ohio
Two individuals in Ohio have described an identical push poll being conducted in their home state that presents Barack Obama as a quasi-radical leftist, uses inflammatory quotes from Reverend Jeremiah Wright, and offers risible interpretations of the Senator's policies on everything from sex education to abortion.

Then this:
As Campaign Heats Up, Untruths Can Become Facts Before They're Undone
From the moment Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin declared that she had opposed the infamous "Bridge to Nowhere," critics, the news media and nonpartisan fact checkers have called it a fabrication or, at best, a half-truth. But yesterday in Lebanon, Ohio, and again in Lancaster, Pa., she crossed that bridge again.
"I told Congress: 'Thanks but no thanks for that Bridge to Nowhere up in Alaska,' " Palin told the crowds at the "McCain Street USA" rallies. "If we wanted a bridge, we'll build it ourselves."

Oh and lets not forget this:

Judge warned Palin in 2005 to back off brother-in-law's job
An Alaska judge warned Gov. Sarah Palin's family against trying to get her then-brother-in-law fired, according to court records. That warning came long before the controversy over her dismissal of the brother-in-law's boss, the state's public safety commissioner, records show.

You get what you pay for or in this case vote for. No matter where you stand or who you are voting for, this should concern ALL of us. We complain about how bad politicians are but do we call them to task? How many McCain supporters have called or emailed him about the campaign he is running. If you do not then it will just get nastier and nastier every year. Soon we will be to the point where we have to censor our children from campign ads. I, for one just finished this email to Obama:

Senator Obama:
I am donating today because I am sick and tired of this mess. I want you to stick to the issues concerning this country. We are trying to save our children’s future here. Fannie and Freddie has just been bailed out the airline industry is making it known that they may need help again, the auto industry is in that line and the line just seems to get longer and longer everyday. I want you to win but we have got to do this with grace and dignity as our kids are watching us. I do not want my kids to think that winning means you take out the other guy at the knees or hit below the belt. I want them to know that winning means being honorable even when your opponent is not. I do not expect to see my hard earned money spent on nastiness. On that note let me give you my humble advice stop looking at the shinny new object it will only blind you so you cannot see where you are going. I need you to be fully in control of all of your senses from here on out. Do not even look in the direction of Sarah Palin John McCain is your oponet. You talked about running a different kind of campign so now is the time to do just that. I am going now to set my time at the phone bank and to get more voter registration packets for this weekend. I am going to do my part and I expect you to do yours. Before AND After you get elected.

Feminist?

2008-09-09T10:05:00.000-04:00

When I first moved to Baltimore I did an adopt a grandparent program. I sat with this lady in a nursing home and she gave me some of the best and funniest advice ever. She told me something that I have thought about a lot lately. She said she never bought into feminism because it to her, it took away the good parts of being a woman. She loved her family depending on her. She enjoyed cooking for and keeping a clean house for her family. She told me that feminism told you you were wrong for this. That your worth in the world depended on your being selfish. I tried to explain that all we want is to be treated equally to our male counterparts. She told me that was just the stupidest thing that we could say because the truth is we are different. That’s why there are men’s teams and women’s teams. She said what we should really be striving for is fair treatment. And fair is not always equal.

The McCain-Palin ticket makes me question whether or not I am truly a feminist. Gov. Palin’s entrance into the race had me proud the first few days. Then came the story of Bristol’s pregnancy and the story of Trig’s delivery and I have been a pissed off chick ever since. Bristol’s pregnancy had me asking WTF was she thinking? How could she throw her kid under the bus like this? I have been mad with this woman like she was my family since I heard this. Then the story of her leaking fluid and getting on a plane and going back to work 3 days later. Who in their right mind does this? Many have said that we would never question a man’s parenting like we have her. I for one can say I would. If this were John McCain’s 17 year old daughter I would feel the same disgust for him. If my co-worker came back to work in a week after giving birth I would definitely question her. I saw a post from Reality Chick that helped me come to terms with some of my anger. As the oldest child my resentments rose every time I saw Trig on Bristol’s hip. I saw my teenage life as mini-mommy. Where the little ones come to you just as much if not more than mommy. You are the go to girl. Truth is you just want to be a teenager. Being mini-mommy had some advantages for me because I ran like HELL from boys. There was NO WAY I was going to get pregnant. I was tired of mothering. All that alone time did not do so well for my sisters.

I even stayed away from this for days because it was bothering me so much. I realize that I am a feminist. And Ms Linda was as well even if she did not think so. In my mind it is about having the opportunity to make the choices you want. If I want to work fine, if I did not fine. If I want kids fine, if I did not fine. I also realized that we should question the well being of politician’s children because if they are not taking care of their own then how can I trust them to make decisions that will impact mine for years to come? The truth is men have always brought their wives out as an example to the world that their kids are OK. Obama talked extensively about how he and Michelle were handling his kids. He was not asked because he answered the question before it could be asked. As have a lot of male politicians. On the flip side she should get credit for being a mommy and men get no credit for being daddy. Joe Bidden and many men like him have raised kids on their own and there is no talk of their skills translating into leadership. It’s not Bristol’s pregnancy that bothers me it is her mom’s exploiting it. As Ms Linda said we are different. Do I think Gov. Palin should have the right to make her choices abso-effing-lutely but at whose expense is she making these choices? In her I see what turned Ms Linda off from Feminism. The get where you can at anyone’s expense attitude. My feminism is in tact. I suspect that we are wasting our time and energy defending someone that does not need it. After all fair is not always equal.

Addictions

2008-09-03T14:30:00.000-04:00

I realized last night that I may need a 12 step program after this election is all over. I still remember those AA commercials and I see myself with the flashlight saying “My name is Michelle and I am an electionoholic” (better word needed). I was on the phone with a good friend of mine but I was too busy flipping between CNN, MSNBC and FOX to pay attention to her. Then she asked what are you doing? That didn’t get me to stop I just started going on and on about the election how Gov. Palin is just a distraction because after all how does any of this help with my gas, food and the fact that my company is going through “voluntary separations” with “involuntary” to come later. Then there are those that are just shutting down or outright laying off. How does this help me get my kids a decent education? I gave up the idea of retiring at 50 a long time ago but will I at least be able to retire someday? My 401k is looking a little shaky. We went round and round, but we kept coming back to our kids. By the time I got to bed I was drained and still seeing images of me with the flashlight.

This morning I realized that the reasons I am addicted are my children, my nieces, nephews and all those kids I love dearly. I have this host of brilliant little ones I am related to. My daughter is a fearless girl my middle son is an artist at heart and my oldest has the biggest personality with a smile to match. My 8 year old nephew is going to be one of the most successful people I know. How do we make sure they are better off than we? As a parent I know fear, we are on very intimate terms. He lives with me rides to work with me sits at my desk and sleeps with me every night. My prayers only makes him move a little out of my sight but is presence is constant. It is fear that makes me wonder how we manage if John McCain, Mark Sanford, Sarah Palin (I personally was rooting for him so we could be rid of him) and the like are in charge for the next X number of years. My concern is not where we drill for oil but how do I pay for the gas to get to work. As a single parent I fear for the social programs I rely on like after school programs and summer camps that I can afford. Programs that will help mine or my girlfriend’s teen when they need it. Help for those kids in abusive homes, or in need of a fresh start. I can barely feed my own family so my donations to the food bank are non existent these days. Will there be scholarships for my kids? Will there be student grants for their education? If my daughter or my son’s girlfriend gets pregnant what type of choices will they have? What kind of jobs or careers can they have? The outcome of this election will have long term ramifications. How will history deal with our decisions?

Over the course of the last eight years I have watched my bank account dwindle, my prospects for a better position vanish, and everything I touch is 2 to 3 time as expensive while my paycheck barely registers an increase but we can spend 1 billion dollars a month in Iraq? Many more of my younger relatives are in harm’s way. Then we get this bunch telling us it will all be fine, actually we are fine. Give me a break! Sarah Palin’s daughter will be fine but what about my girlfriend’s pregnant teen? McCain’s daughter will get to go to the college of her choosing but what about my baby brother or my brilliant children? Barack Obama is the person I am willing to trust to turn things around. I am tired of fear. I want a real date and a warm body in my bed. So, for now I hold that flashlight and hope my withdrawal isn’t too bad Nov 5th.

Why Can't I Ask?

2008-09-02T15:28:00.000-04:00

I have a lot of thoughts in me that I was going to get out today but Gov. Palin is on my mind. More to the point the fact that there are many who think she is off limits because she is a woman. We keep talking about wanting equal treatment then when it doesn’t go our way we get to yell, scream and stomp our feet. Sexism is a very real thing. As someone who has dealt with both racism and sexism I can tell you that whining about it gets you nowhere. I have been called a Black b***h more times than I care to count. You move on because, surprise, life is not fair! Does it hurt yes, but I and many others like me know that we got where we are because so many before us took far worse and endured so we can get to this place today. I wrote about this with the Hillary supporters who were yelling about her getting respect from Barack Obama. She should have been consulted about who his VP pick was and her issues should be discussed. In my years of following politics no loser has been given as much as she. All because of the political correctness of our day. Look, she was not the pick and did not need to be consulted because this was Obama’s victory to savor not hers. If she were a man she would have been sent on her merry way long before the primaries ended.

Now it is rally the uteruses time with Gov. Palin. Her family is off limits, calling into question her judgment as a mother cannot be done, she is a woman. Look if the playing field is level then her judgment at home is on the table just as John Edwards was considered a jerk for cheating on his cancer-stricken wife. Bill Clinton for sleeping a girl not much older than his daughter. When you choose public life all of it is public including your kids. Hillary went to great pains to protect Chelsea and we all remember the jokes one by even John McCain. Gov Palin thought that somehow she and her children would be spared? Give me a break! Remember all the questions about why John Edwards even ran or why Elizabeth let him? I do question her as a parent because I have made choices that hurt my career to put my kids first. It’s called PARENTING. Hillary could have run for office long ago but chose to wait. Gov. Palin did not make these same choices and she wants me to think she is just like me, normal? Normal my big wide a**. You talk about how sacred life is then what about nourishing it when it gets here. If she were a guy I would be asking the same questions. Why can’t I ask them of her? If we are not asking this of our public figures then we are all lacking. Just because she is a woman does not give her a pass. You want a level playing field then stop yelling foul and play! This is not little league where everybody has to play nice. In the big time you can sustain career ending injuries. It’s a risk you take. Gov. Palin put on the big girl gear you are in the big leagues now!

I Think I Love My Body!

2008-08-27T16:36:00.000-04:00

I have been dieting and exercising for the past few months. My goal is to lose about 60lbs. The plan is to lose the first 50 by regimented dieting and then keep exercising and toning and let my body take care of the last 10 or so lbs. I figured once I got into good eating and exercising habits I would just listen to my body and all would be fine. Well I have hit a snag. I lost the first 20 and took the “rest” period to let my body get used to the loss. I was Ok and have even dropped a few more pounds since. But I cannot get back on my regimen no matter what. There seems to always be some reason to skip a workout and I need no good reasons to eat. Admittedly, I do not eat as much as would have in the past at any given meal. I have adopted some very good eating habits that are sticking through this whole thing. Being the girl who was never ever anywhere near athletic, my kickboxing and spin classes give me the same good feeling as a good meal with an even better glass of wine. So these are all things to be proud of. I had the most profound revelation of them all the other day. I LOVE MY BODY! Wow. I have never in my life said or thought that.

As a young kid when I looked at my mom I did not see me. I have always thought my mom was the most beautiful woman ever. I am very light skinned and my mother was dark. I probably would not have noticed but there were plenty of people to point it out to me. When I was in high school I was Betty Boop to many guys as I had a 22 in waist 36 in hips and 34D breasts. I would kill, well pay for that body right now. But in high school I hated that body too. My stomach was flat as a pancake but I wondered where in the hell did these breasts come from and why won’t they stop growing (they finally ended at DDDs). I walked around most days with my arms crossed over my chest. And at 5’2” pants were just a nightmare they were either too long or too short never mind if they fit in the hips there was enough room in the waist for a 5lb bag of sugar. I grew up in the time of colored Lee jeans and without a belt I could do nothing with them. A mini skirt never quite got to mini on me. The hair was another thing entirely. Being shaped like that as a shy awkward teenager was hell. I was a minister’s child so what we wore was scrutinized. My dad once told me that I needed to keep in mind that with my body an outfit only had so far to go from cute to slutty. I am thankful for that advice as it kept many an interview from going bad. Even today a V-neck shirt can be mom wear and one more button or inch and it can go south very fast.

Now when I got to college I got a little mileage out of the body as I was not as shy anymore. I won more than my share of wet t-shirt contests. I had to buy drinks and oh yeah books :) Not to mention for a girl like me it was quite liberating. I am almost certain that I am in some guy’s shoebox of pictures from freaknick, aggiefest, greekfest or whatever fest there was standing in the middle of some street or on a beach posing in a bikini or whatever. I have girlfriends and even my sister told me they would love to have my body. My one girlfriend said God did not give her my ass as he knew she would be a stripper. I once had a friend tell me that she would only own V-neck shirts and would always be bending over if she had my breasts.

Now I am nearing 40. My little sister (33) would be quick to point out that I am much closer to 40 than 39. She will know my age even in the late stages of Alzheimer’s. My body is different now, or more to the point I am different now. After losing patches of my hair because of the combination of chemicals and psoriasis I got locks early this year. Can I just say I LOVE them? I’ll save that for another time. So that takes care of the hair. I realized that besides it being a little dry I have great skin. I heal quickly with minimal scaring and have a very even skin tone. And now I see my mom in my face. I see her smile with my dad’s eyes. Then there is that little weight thing. See at 120 my hips and breast just looked huge to me. But when you get close to 200 I am sooo glad to have hips and breasts as they take attention away from the mommy tummy and oh those thighs. Being an hourglass at 200 is a very good thing. So as I caught glimpse of myself in the store window the other day I saw a body I love. I mean those hips and that seemingly small waist topped of with the 38DDDs make me a perfect figure 8. Now I look at my cleavage and I am thankful not to see one blemish or age spot. Still when it fits in the hips it doesn’t fit in the waist but, God I love myself in a pair of jeans these days. I will be the first to tell you that I look much better with clothes than without. 39 year-old DDDs end up way south of where they should be. In my sister’s words you need a search party to find those nipples :) Think Eddie Murphy as grandma Clump or Tyler Perry as Medea. We won't even discuss the dimples. I am very happy to report that when I look in the mirror now I do not see too short or too big, I see proportionate. A full length mirror is no longer my enemy. As my girlfriend Stacie says I have embraced my womanly body and now love those curves. I still want Michelle Obama’s arms, my niece Tiffany’s belly and I would really like for my thighs to get a divorce but I am happy to have this body as it is today. I rock in jeans and a spandex T-shirt with heels and my goodness I love a wrap dress. I am still going to lose those lbs but I am enjoying the the body and journey way more than I thought I would.

Eating Crow and Loving It!

2008-08-27T14:24:00.000-04:00

For my midnight snack last night I had my dark chocolates and a big helping of crow, which I washed down with my chamomile tea, and loved it! As I watched Hillary speak last night I was so fired up. I smiled and cheered with her. I loved the intro video but she just delivered. I mean she put on the big girl panties or pantsuit and went out there and did me proud. I was not even going to watch her speech but, I got home just as her video came on. Anyone who has talked to me or read my writings of the last week know that I was never a Hillary supporter, but last night she was my girl! I have said that she would like to be in the center of that carnival ride that pins everyone to the wall because, after all, everything and everyone must revolve around her. In my post WHAT? I wrote: If we want unity then she has got to put away her ego and get this done. If Bill Clinton is supposedly so broken up over his legacy under Bush then stop whining and get Barack elected. I get that she needed some time to lick her wounds but Mitt Romney and Mike Huckabee have been making the news rounds for McCain where is she? Last night she put her ego on the shelf and said expressly that this was not about her but the Marine without healthcare and the 47 million like him. She said democrats know how to do the things that we need to do. As much as I am not a Hillary fan I am definitely not a Bill fan but watching his response to her last night made me cheer for him too.

I think if she behaved this way in the primaries I would have considered voting for her. That is all water under the bridge. I have to admit that I am even thinking of joining the sisterhood of the traveling pantsuits. I agree with her wholeheartedly when she says we have to keep going but in order to keep going we have to get going. That has been my biggest problem with all those in Hillaryland who keep talking as if this is about her and the respect she should be afforded. I voted for Senator Obama, but if he was not the nominee Hillary would have my full support. This was not about gender or race. I would be lying if I said that Barack's race isn't part of his appeal for me. When I see him, fair or not, I see bigger possibilities for my boys and my nephews. If it were Hillary I would be seeing those same possibilities for my daughter and my nieces, actually I still see them. I have help to elect plenty of white men over the years and that hasn't always worked out for me. I love Senator Obama but I love America more. I am a democrat because it is a fact that economically democrats outperform republicans. When it was time to overhaul our welfare system democrats did it in a way to empower not judge. It is now time for healthcare and energy reforms and I just do not trust the republicans to spearhead any of the change that we need. They are the party that inherited a surplus and is expected to have a half trillion dollar deficit by the end of the year. This is about getting our country back to where it should be. If we want that then democrats are the people to do it. In Hillary’s own words “no way, no how, no McCain”.

I can’t wait to see Bill tonight, go figure. By the way, I had another helping of crow with my oatmeal and coffee this morning! LOVE YOU HILL!!!! .

WHAT?

2008-08-25T15:57:00.000-04:00

I am wondering if I am in an alternate universe. Ever Since Barack announced that he selected Senator Biden as his running mate the world is once again revolving around Hillary. If I hear one more person talk about the respect that should be afforded to Hillary Clinton I am going to scream. SHE LOST!!!! Which part of this don’t we get she is not the winner. It is Barack’s right to pick up his toys and leave the playground. She is the loser and a sore one at that. She seems to be channeling Dennis Rodman. David Gergen, whom I really beginning to dislike was on CNN and MSNBC talking about how Barack did not even consult Hillary’s counsel on a running mate (gasp). Am I missing something here? Since when do we bend over backwards for the loser? My family is not for the faint at heart I know, but the bragging rights in our legendary spades and monopoly games go to the wining person or team the other person stand there smiles, and hope they can get another chance next time we get together. Can anyone tell me who won the silver when Michael Phelps won the gold? We don’t care. Don’t get me wrong I think Hillary accomplished a monumental feat. But my goodness she lost.

I was soo proud of her but I was also a little apprehensive. Women all over this country were talking about all the girl power this woman evoked but was I the only one to notice that she got there just because she was someone’s wife? Do we tell our daughters to work hard and push for what you want but it is really who you marry? Yet this woman was where we placed all our girl love. No doubt she may have gotten there because she was someone’s wife but she busted in and proved she belonged. The problem is she lost her grace and I am suspecting she never had any class as it is something you have or don’t. I have begun to lose respect. When this PUMA mess started I did not see her, Gergen or Carville say enough already! Stop this mess. I see John McCain’s ads talking about her and using her quotes. Where are her ads saying this is it, it is Barack and if we want this then we have to vote for him. She should be drawing clear lines between her positions and McCain’s.

My Grandma used to tell me that we don’t put family business out there but she put the democratic family business out there for the entire world to see. Now we are like the family who has to decide which aunt’s house to go to for Thanksgiving so we just skip the whole mess and stay home or go to the in-laws. If we want unity then she has got to put away her ego and get this done. If Bill Clinton is supposedly so broken up over his legacy under Bush then stop whining and get Barack elected. I get that she needed some time to lick her wounds but Mitt Romney and Mike Huckabee have been making the news rounds for McCain where is she? Making the rounds begging for money to retire a debt she got herself into and then saying oh, by the way vote for Barack. If all these people are so fired up over getting her in the white house, then retire her debt. The plane tickets and gas alone for all these demonstrations in Denver should help her. I have my $20 but it is waiting for her to show some genuine effort on her part. David Gergen, do me a favor and shut up! Hillary, do me a favor and get over yourself and out of our way so we can get a democrat in the White house and start to fix this mess we are in. The things facing this country are too important for one person to hold up. LISTEN UP Hillary is not the nominee. Barack is and it is his right to decide who is on his team, it is his right to seek the counsel of whomever he wishes. This is about him not Hillary. If we want respect for the next woman then she and her supporters have got to act with some dignity and (gasp) class.