Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Treading Water

Today I woke up feeling like I am treading water. I feel like the kid in swim class who is trying to pass the test. Just looking at the edge of the pool but too tired or scared (not sure which) to get there. I know this is due in part to my late mommy's birthday being in a few days and my parents anniversary would have been last Saturday. This would have benn a time of activity for me if they were alive. I would be figuring out what to get them both and then what to get her. My biggest worry during this time of year was getting the presents home in time to not be talked about from the pulpit on the Sunday after. Now I am looking at which women's center I will be giving out the lotions my kids wrapped. Getting through the day without having the ultimate selfish thoughs of why did she survive and not my mom. I usually do but this year I am not so sure if I can get through this without wondering why MY mommy? This makes my heart soo sad and I am finding it harder and harder to get out of bed in the morning.

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