I have been dieting and exercising for the past few months. My goal is to lose about 60lbs. The plan is to lose the first 50 by regimented dieting and then keep exercising and toning and let my body take care of the last 10 or so lbs. I figured once I got into good eating and exercising habits I would just listen to my body and all would be fine. Well I have hit a snag. I lost the first 20 and took the “rest” period to let my body get used to the loss. I was Ok and have even dropped a few more pounds since. But I cannot get back on my regimen no matter what. There seems to always be some reason to skip a workout and I need no good reasons to eat. Admittedly, I do not eat as much as would have in the past at any given meal. I have adopted some very good eating habits that are sticking through this whole thing. Being the girl who was never ever anywhere near athletic, my kickboxing and spin classes give me the same good feeling as a good meal with an even better glass of wine. So these are all things to be proud of. I had the most profound revelation of them all the other day. I LOVE MY BODY! Wow. I have never in my life said or thought that.
As a young kid when I looked at my mom I did not see me. I have always thought my mom was the most beautiful woman ever. I am very light skinned and my mother was dark. I probably would not have noticed but there were plenty of people to point it out to me. When I was in high school I was Betty Boop to many guys as I had a 22 in waist 36 in hips and 34D breasts. I would kill, well pay for that body right now. But in high school I hated that body too. My stomach was flat as a pancake but I wondered where in the hell did these breasts come from and why won’t they stop growing (they finally ended at DDDs). I walked around most days with my arms crossed over my chest. And at 5’2” pants were just a nightmare they were either too long or too short never mind if they fit in the hips there was enough room in the waist for a 5lb bag of sugar. I grew up in the time of colored Lee jeans and without a belt I could do nothing with them. A mini skirt never quite got to mini on me. The hair was another thing entirely. Being shaped like that as a shy awkward teenager was hell. I was a minister’s child so what we wore was scrutinized. My dad once told me that I needed to keep in mind that with my body an outfit only had so far to go from cute to slutty. I am thankful for that advice as it kept many an interview from going bad. Even today a V-neck shirt can be mom wear and one more button or inch and it can go south very fast.
Now when I got to college I got a little mileage out of the body as I was not as shy anymore. I won more than my share of wet t-shirt contests. I had to buy drinks and oh yeah books :) Not to mention for a girl like me it was quite liberating. I am almost certain that I am in some guy’s shoebox of pictures from freaknick, aggiefest, greekfest or whatever fest there was standing in the middle of some street or on a beach posing in a bikini or whatever. I have girlfriends and even my sister told me they would love to have my body. My one girlfriend said God did not give her my ass as he knew she would be a stripper. I once had a friend tell me that she would only own V-neck shirts and would always be bending over if she had my breasts.
Now I am nearing 40. My little sister (33) would be quick to point out that I am much closer to 40 than 39. She will know my age even in the late stages of Alzheimer’s. My body is different now, or more to the point I am different now. After losing patches of my hair because of the combination of chemicals and psoriasis I got locks early this year. Can I just say I LOVE them? I’ll save that for another time. So that takes care of the hair. I realized that besides it being a little dry I have great skin. I heal quickly with minimal scaring and have a very even skin tone. And now I see my mom in my face. I see her smile with my dad’s eyes. Then there is that little weight thing. See at 120 my hips and breast just looked huge to me. But when you get close to 200 I am sooo glad to have hips and breasts as they take attention away from the mommy tummy and oh those thighs. Being an hourglass at 200 is a very good thing. So as I caught glimpse of myself in the store window the other day I saw a body I love. I mean those hips and that seemingly small waist topped of with the 38DDDs make me a perfect figure 8. Now I look at my cleavage and I am thankful not to see one blemish or age spot. Still when it fits in the hips it doesn’t fit in the waist but, God I love myself in a pair of jeans these days. I will be the first to tell you that I look much better with clothes than without. 39 year-old DDDs end up way south of where they should be. In my sister’s words you need a search party to find those nipples :) Think Eddie Murphy as grandma Clump or Tyler Perry as Medea. We won't even discuss the dimples. I am very happy to report that when I look in the mirror now I do not see too short or too big, I see proportionate. A full length mirror is no longer my enemy. As my girlfriend Stacie says I have embraced my womanly body and now love those curves. I still want Michelle Obama’s arms, my niece Tiffany’s belly and I would really like for my thighs to get a divorce but I am happy to have this body as it is today. I rock in jeans and a spandex T-shirt with heels and my goodness I love a wrap dress. I am still going to lose those lbs but I am enjoying the the body and journey way more than I thought I would.